Scientists have found a gene that affects the way men bond to their partners.[1]  The gene codes for one of the receptors for vasopressin, a hormone found in the brains of most mammals. Men who carry one or two copies of a variant of this gene (allele 334) are more likely to have a marital or relationship problem than those who lacked the gene variant.  The research found that men without the allele had more stable relationships with their partners.  Men with two alleles were less likely to show enough commitment in their relationships.

Earlier studies had found similar results in animals.  Prairie voles form lifetime bonds with their mates and help to raise successive litters.  On the other hand, montane voles which are physically very similar, do not bond with the females and do not help to raise their offspring.  The animal experiments showed that by manipulating the vasopressin receptors, montane voles could be changed into devoted partners and prairie voles could be changed into unsupportive parents.

Vasopessin is a small peptide consisting of 9 amino acids which is very similar to oxytocin, a maternal hormone that stimulates mammary glands and helps to bond a mother to her child.  About 40 percent of men have one or two copies of allele 334.  The median duration of first marriages that end in divorce is about 7.8 years.  In the future, it may be possible to have premarital genetic tests that could be used to predict the chances of a successful marriage and avoid the chances of marrying a womanizer or a deadbeat dad.

[1] Hasse Walum, Lars Westberg, Susanne Henningsson, Jenae M. Neiderhiser, David Reiss, Wilmar Igl, Jody M. Ganiban, Erica L. Spotts, Nancy L. Pedersen, Elias Eriksson and Paul Lichtenstein, Genetic variation in the vasopressin receptor 1a gene (AVPR1A) associates with pair-bonding behavior in humans, PNAS Early Edition, 2-5 September 2008.

At a Christmas dinner, I met a woman who would like to get married, but has not found a suitable candidate.  The clock is ticking and she is now 35 years old.  You can sense frustration and a some desperation in her attitude as she seeks advice from her friends.  Why has this happened?  The simple answer is that she has given lower priority to her personal needs than to her education and career.  This woman has fantastic credentials.  She is a noted researcher with a PhD and several publications, but her love life scores a zero.

There was a time when the social life and the destiny of a person was fairly well planned out by the parents. Times have changed.  Today, children leave the parents to go to college at an early age and they don’t have the family support to help them make wise decisions and avoid mistakes.  Young people have to take responsibility of their own life at an early age and decide what is important to them.  Here are some things that you can do to improve your chances of success:

• Make a list of what you would like to accomplish in your life.
• Don’t wait until it is too late to go after what you want.
• Improve your chances of success by participating in favorable situations.
• Meet with people who can help you.
• Don’t make hasty decisions that you may regret.
• Keep your goals and your priorities in mind.

I visited Atlantic City during the Labor Day holiday.  The weather was perfect and it was very pleasant to walk along the beach wading in the warm water.  However, Atlantic City is also known for its casinos.  Atlantic City is the Las Vegas of the East Coast.

The casinos are dimly lit, the atmosphere is always filled with cigarette smoke even though there are separate smoking and non-smoking areas, and there is the constant din of the slot machines 24 hours per day.  I risked $20 Dollars in a 25-cent slot machine, and cashed out when the total went up to $50 Dollars after several plays — a $30-Dollar profit.  Other people around me were not so lucky.  I saw several who started with $50 or $100 Dollars and had nothing 30 minutes later.  In the $5-Dollar machines, the money goes even faster.  One pull with a bet of 3 credits costs $15 Dollars.  You can lose $100 Dollars with seven pulls of the handle in less than one minute.  No wonder that the casinos are so rich.  New Orleans is still a disaster zone full of rubble two years after hurricane Katrina destroyed the city in 2005, but the casinos in Biloxi, Mississippi which were also wiped out, were reconstructed in record time.  There is no financial incentive for rebuilding New Orleans, but the casinos would have lost billions of Dollars if they had not been rebuilt promptly.

During my stay in Atlantic City, I paid attention to the players.  I tried to figure out why they kept putting coins in the slot machines even though they kept losing.  I risked another $20 Dollars, and this time I got nothing.  I quit while I was $10 Dollars ahead for my two-day stay. It seems that humans are no more intelligent than fish who go after a shiny lure, get hooked, and become a meal for a fisherman. Casinos have refined the art of taking our money using techniques that take advantage of our greed and our lack of discipline.

Actually, that is a trick question. Your happiness should come from within yourself. Nobody can make you happy, just like nobody else can sleep for you. Certainly, it is easier to be happy with someone who meets your expectations and complements your personality rather than with someone who opposes you and makes it more difficult to achieve your goals.

We often think that a soulmate is someone who shares the same interests and is exactly like ourselves. This is not always the case. Some personality traits work better when the partner has balancing traits that result in a win-win relationship for both persons. Two dynamic individuals may be frustrated when both want different things. A dynamic individual and a passive individual may find happiness if they can adjust to the different pace of their partner.

The most important feature of a good relationship is honesty. Many relationships end when trust is broken or secrets are discovered. Financial problems or difficulties with relatives can also stress a relationship and end it. People often approach a relationship with great optimism, only to be disillusioned later. The problem of failed relationships is usually due to making decisions based on emotions rather than on impartial evaluation of the compatibility of the personalities.